Welcome to your advanced certificate in UFO Spotting as part of our new Centre for Extra-Terrestrial Research. In this short course you can expect to learn about:
- Terrestrial UFOs
- Extra-Terrestrial UFOs
- What to do if you spot one
- How to avoid being abducted
Lesson 1: Types of UFOs
UFOs can be any type of Unidentified Flying Object including those with Earth-bound origins. These can include flying pigs, poorly decorated aircraft, rouge hot air balloon and pterodactyl. Once identified, they are classed as FO (flying object) or, in the case of the pterodactyl, FD (flying dinosaur).
Alien UFOs are much more difficult to classify due to their dangerous and mysterious nature. Here is what I learnt in my most recent trip to Area 51 for course research. There are two major classifications of alien UFOs, abductors and transport. Abductors look for people to pick up for experiments, usually never to be seen again. Transport types are intergalactic taxis for aliens that wind up on earth during particularly wild nights out; they typically leave marks called crop circles.
Lesson 2: What to do if you spot a UFO
The short answer is run. But the longer answer is run and take photos, preferably ones that cannot be used as definitive proof of aliens because that would ruin the fun for the rest of us. Aliens are a mixed bag, and while many are a friendly bunch and may just want a coffee or a chat, others may insist on showing you holiday photos of Andromeda or worse, read you some Vogon poetry uugh!
If you do find yourself abducted explain to your captors that there been a terrible mix-up and that you were, in fact, looking for the nearest phone box and stumbled in here by mistake, that may just do the trick.
Assignment 1: Look at the night’s sky
Take a gaze into the unknown and wonder just what’s out there. Find a clear night, and maybe you’ll get a good look at the stars. It’s difficult not to feel small when surrounded by the majesty of our galaxy but take a second just to appreciate our universe. Who knows, you may spot something yourself!
Oh, and of course, APRIL FOOLS!!!