HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR FIRST MEETING

Client’s preparation

The client will probably have rehearsed what they are going to talk about before they get to the counselling session. They will probably have expectations but will also experience an element of apprehension.

It can be helpful to reassure the client in advance by ensuring that reception and administration staff are professional and respectful, and that the meeting begin on time.

You might provide some pre-information on client rights and counsellor responsibilities, if you think it is appropriate, as this can be also reassuring.

Counsellor’s preparation

The counsellor will also bring along their own perceptions and expectations into the counselling process. The counsellor’s own attitudes and beliefs will certainly pervade the counselling process, and may not be appropriate for the client.

If the counsellor has unresolved problems of their own, then these will certainly interfere with the counselling process. It is therefore essential that the counsellor is aware at all times of those feelings that are theirs and that they are able to separate them from those that belong to the client.

As such, counsellors who are aware of what is happening within them are less likely to allow their own issues to interfere in the counselling process.

Counsellor’s information

The counsellor will quite often have information prior to the first meeting with the client that has been passed on from a referral source. This will give the counsellor a preconceived idea about the client, though it is a good source of factual information.

Stage 1: Initial joining

This is the initial joining stage where the client and counsellor meet and the counsellor attempts to put the client at ease and to establish a trusting relationship. At this point the counsellor may alter some of their preconceptions about the client based on their own findings.

Delineating roles

It is sometimes the case that clients expect that the counsellor will be able to conjure up an instant cure. In such cases, it may well be necessary for the counsellor to spell out to the client that they are not an expert who can offer a magical solution to the client’s problems, but that their role is to help the client express their problems and feelings so as to gain a better understanding of themselves.

The client needs to understand that it is not the role of the counsellor to offer advice, but rather to enable the client to find their own solutions that are right for them.

It may also be necessary to inform the client that finding solutions to problems can take a long time, and that they may need to exercise patience and be prepared to commit to a number of sessions.

Stage 2: Commencing the session (The counsellor focuses on feelings)

Once the initial joining has taken place, it is time for the counsellor to start the working part of the relationship.  They might ask the client how they are feeling at that present moment, or what it is that they would like to talk about.

Questions such as ‘where would you like to start?’ are good because they immediately focus the client’s attention on responsibility and making choices. This should enhance the client’s awareness of themselves and enable them to get in touch with their anxieties and problems.

Once they have become aware, they should find it easier to talk.  If not, the counsellor may need to focus more on getting the client to relax.  Clearly some clients will need longer before they feel able to express their innermost feelings.

Applying some structure to the initial session should also help to promote trust between the client and the counsellor.

Generally speaking the opening of the session can be viewed as exploring those issues that the client wishes to discuss. Occasionally clients may produce lists of things that they wish to address, or notes about things.

If this is the case, it is useful to use such pointers as a guide since they may uncover deeper problems, which can then be explored; if they are of a particularly sensitive nature, the counsellor may choose to return to these issues at a later date.

The counsellor can use such information as a probe to evoke areas for exploration, but will need to decide which areas are of most significance and which are of most urgency in light of the client’s present demeanour. The counsellor should be able to decipher those issues that are of primary importance and which need to be worked on.

Stage 3: Active listening (The counsellor focuses on thoughts)

Early on in the counselling process the counsellor should concentrate mostly on using minimal responses and reflection of content and feeling, so as to keep the process flowing.

The client thus learns to feel valued and builds up trust for the counsellor. This normally helps highly distressed clients to get in tune with their feelings and to express them.

Sometimes these techniques are suffice to enable a client to reach their own solutions, though often other skills will need to be brought into the session.

Encouraging the client to relax

Initially, a client may well find it easier to talk about other people’s problems, things from the past and things external to themselves, rather than that which is internal and which is the source of their problems.

It is important to get the client to focus on their feelings and also to focus on the present, but the counsellor should not pressurise the client into this direction.  It is far better to allow them to move at their own pace.

The counsellor needs to exercise patience so as not to frighten the client further inside themselves, which might prevent them from ever disclosing their true feelings.

With time they should be able to start to address internal issues. Many clients, particularly those with relationship problems (which are most clients) will take time before they are able to trust the counsellor.

As well as concentrating on listening to the client, it is also important that the counsellor pay attention to the non-verbal cues that the client displays, and also tries to empathise with what the client is feeling.

With clients who find it difficult to open up the counsellor will need to rely on their powers of observation to a greater extent.

Questioning, summarising and identifying the problem

As the relationship develops between the client and the counsellor, the client will be able to introduce summarising and then questioning.

Only after the problems have been identified is the counsellor ready for the next step, which is promoting attitude change in the client. To ensure that the counsellor and client understand each other, and agree on the main issues and problem, the counsellor may draw on other micro-skills such as reframing, normalising, challenging self-destructive beliefs and confronting. T

They may also explore polarities and make use of focusing on the present.

Stage 4: Exploring choices, making changes and planning goals (The counsellor focuses on behaviour)

Once the client has passed through the other stages, or has shown signs of emerging from them, the counsellor may be able to help the client to discover choices available to them and to begin to make plans for change.

At this point the client should begin to realize that everything is not all doom and gloom and that there is hope for the future. Again, the counsellor should exercise patience and not force the client into choices, but rather just make them aware that they have them.

They may incorporate other techniques such as brainstorming in order to assist the client to realise that they have many choices.

The counsellor can steer the client in the direction of goals that are realistic and yet challenging. The counsellor can also help the client to find incentives that will keep the client on course to their goals.

Stage 5: Ending the counselling session

To close the session, it is effective to summarise the important points that have come to light.

The client may not necessarily feel happy when they leave the session; after all, they have just revealed and discussed a lot of deep-felt emotions. This is certain to happen if the counsellor has helped the client to explore areas that they were previously unable to explore.

The client will need time to go away and think over what they have discussed in order to try and understand it. If, however, the counsellor suspects that the client is likely to go away and engage in any type of behaviour that may be a threat either to themselves or to anyone else, then intervention will be necessary.

Counselling Handbook by the Staff of ACS

Full of interesting case studies, this ebook is a wonderful introduction to the complex world of the human psyche. Expand your mind and learn about what makes people tick.

Are you a good listener? Hone your skills by learning popular counselling theories and techniques.

You will learn about:

• Listening skills
• Non-verbal communication
• Influencing skills
• Defense mechanisms
• Our perception of others
• Attributions
• Convariance theory
• Lay epistemology

(and many more such things that may not make sense now but will by the end of the book).

Contents:

1. Where can counselling be used?

2. How to see behind the mask.

3. Emotions and attitudes.

4. How to communicate better when all you have is words.

5. Theory versus practice.

6. Diffusing difficult situations.

7. Golden rules or tips.

8. Appendicies.

Extract from book:

We don’t know for sure how much of our communication is non-verbal. Estimates vary from 50% to the 80%. Non-verbal communication becomes more significant, the more mixed the messages are. So if a person is saying one thing, but their body is saying something else, we will tend to pay more attention to what their body is saying to us. Most of us are aware that this is a sign of attempted deception.
Meharabian (1971) carried out a study to see how people decide if they like each other. They looked at facial expressions and spoken words. Participants had to listen to a recording of a female saying one word “maybe” in three tones of voice – neutral, like and dislike. The subjects were then shown photographs of a female face with three expressions – neutral, like and dislike. They were asked to guess which emotion the person in the photograph, the person on the recording and both together were experiencing.

The participants were more accurate in guessing the emotion of the photographs than the voice at a ratio of 3:2. Meharabian also carried out another study where participants had to listen to nine words. Three showed liking (dear, thanks, honey), three showed disliking (brute, terrible, don’t) and three showed neutrality (oh, maybe, really). The words were spoken in different tones. The participants were asked to guess the emotions behind the words. They found that tone carried more meaning than the word.

They concluded that:

■  Without seeing and hearing non-verbal messages, there can be more chance of misunderstanding.
■  A lot of communication does come through non-verbal communication, but we are still unsure as to the exact amount.
■  When we are not sure about a particular word, we pay more attention to non-verbal communication.
■  When we do not trust a person, we pay more attention to non-verbal communication.

There are many myths about body language. For example, crossing your arm means defensiveness, covering your mouth means you are lying and so on. But we should rely more on other factors such as:

■  Clusters of factors (showing more signs of non-verbal communication).
■  Non-verbal behaviour at the time a question is asked, particularly if the question is embarrassing or difficult.
■  Situations where the other person may not be trying to control their non-verbal behaviour.

As we said above, it is important to consider your own non-verbal communication. BUT not to such an extent that you try to control it all the time, which can make it appear false or give mixed messages from you.