With spring finally here, Love is in the air! Have you ever wondered why attraction feels stressful and also appealing at the same time? Palms getting sweaty, heart's racing, stomach twisting nerves are all stress responses, akin to what someone might feel staring over a high bridge before a bungee jump, or in front of a crowd. But these are all also experienced in the early stages of attraction and romance. So what's the physiology behind what we experience and why is it so stressful?
Beginnings
In the first stages of attraction, the same neurotransmitters that your brain releases during a high are triggered. Dopaimine, the chemical that humans naturally make which controls many aspects of our hormone production, behaviour and moveemnt, is released in the brain when you're attracted to someone and you're near them. This happens, not only when you are in their vicinity, but even when you are simply thinking about the person you are attracted to. The same effect happens under the influence of certain drugs. So the phrase ''high on love'' is not without scientific basis.
Physical Attraction
As mentioned above, physical attraction creates a full-body stress response. And stressful sitatuions have been shown to heighten attraction for others. Experiencing butterflies, sweaty palms, increased nervousness, all release cortisol and adrenaline in anticipation of the object of affection.
Break ups during the Puppy Love Phase
If a relationship breaks down with someone while experiencing the initial stages of attraction or love, then the effects of the breakup can feel much more intense than the time it took to develop those feelings warrants. But this backs what the science says, that the release of dopamine when exposed or thinking of your loved one, means that when you're no longer with them, you suffer withdrawal-like symptoms. Obsessing over our loved one can be distracting and even distressing. With men and women both experiencing apetite loss, insomnia and distracted thoughts that interfere with their day to day life.
Moving to Long Term Commitment
The flush of first love can be intoxicating, but it's not sustainable. One study found that, along with a dopamine boost, comes the decrease of Seratonin. Positive feelings towards the object of affection are felt more strongly. The fascinating thing about this is that the people who experienced intense love and attraction six months after their first moments of infatuation had similar levels of Seratonin as those who suffered form OCD. Obsessive behaviour around your loved on is not going to be condusive to a long term relationship. Once dopamine levels drop, endorphins kick in and oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is the same hormone released to make you feel deeply connected to someone. A nursing mother will experience an oxytocin release while nursing her child. Spending time with your loved one develops Oxytocin and helps you stay bonded with them ensuring the relationship is more than just fleeting.
Nature vs Nurture?
Is it possible that humans also have a love gene? A gene that specifically helps us stay in monogamous pairs? There was a study done on a type of vole. One species of vole was polygamus and one monogamous. They identified a gene that was in the monogamous vole but not in the polygamus vole species. They inserted that gene in the polygamus voles to see what would happen and saw that this change affected their typical behaviour and they went from promisciuous to monogamous.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/rediscovering-love/201411/how-stress-can-bury-love-the-way-back
https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression-pictures/signs-youre-lovesick.aspx
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/are-butterflies-in-your-stomach-love-or-warning-sign-0731154
